Kenzie's dedication/ Blessings

Well, we had Mckenzie dedicated yesterday. it was wonderful to have our WHOLE family there to support us. both sets of parents, grandmothers, uncle rick, and Rachael and Peter brought Hailey along as well. it was a great day of love and the Lord. the weather held up so that we were able to enjoy the sunshine a bit (with sweaters on) . and of course all the guys..Jordan, Peter, Jordan's father were all out there smoking their yukky cigars.

Rachael and i tried to put the girls down for a nap together.....NOT. instead, those cute little girls took Gracie's dresser apart, trying on ALL of her cloths in the process. It was adorable. i love that they have so much fun together. since there was no nap, Grace was in bed very early, and mommy and daddy got to just hang out and relax. it was a lovely day/

This morning, Gracie helped me juice a bunch of veggies. she loves throwing the carrots in. she put some apples in too, but she would shove them, and they would get stuck. when that happened, all you would hear was "uh-oh" she had a blast. and she kept trying to drink it out of the measuring cup that i catch the juice with. once i put it into her cup, she drank it right down. i did give a few ounces of it to McKenzie, and she was lovin' it.

I love having Gracie help me with things like that. that most fun that we have in the kitchen together, is when we are going to have pizza for super. I make it from scratch...and she LOVES making the dough. when i am kneading it out onto the cookie sheet she says "punch it, punch it" as she pushes her hands along the edges of the sheet to get it to spread. we dump the sauce on, and she paints it around with a basting brush. Daddy shreds the cheese, and Gracie sprinkles it all over...what is left after she eats a handful or two of it, he he he! Jordan likes peperoni on it, but every time Grace is putting it on, she forgets what it tasted like the time before, so i have a cup of water ready...she takes a tiny bite "a hot, a hot" she throws it back down on the pizza and turns her nose up at it. she and I are both in agreement..."daddy, you can have your pepperoni."

both of the girls are down for a nap, and i am going to head down and make some soup for dinner tonight. i have a bunch of ingredients, but i haven't decided what i am going to use yet. some barley, lentils, white beans?? who knows. but i am just grateful that we have food to keep our family healthy. there are all of these people around the world now, because of these food shortages, that something as simple as beans or rice, is a stretch. Praise God our Provider that we live where we do, and even when some aren't able to afford food, there are opportunities in this country that offer assistance. so many of those other countries don't even have the food to offer their struggling citizens. so i am headed off, to praise the Lord for many things.

Gracie poo!!

Gracie Loo Hoo, showin' of her cuteness

Gracie did some coloring

gracie did some coloring yesterday....enjoy.

she did!!

Little Gracie Loo-Hoo

my cute patutie little Gracie girl, has a diaper rash, and her poor little bum is sooo red. she must have peed or something last night, in her diaper, b/c she woke up at 3am, screaming so stinking loud. daddy grabbed her from upstairs, we took her diaper off, and tossed her into bed with us. Jordan had to be up very early for work today, so he took a futon mattress that we have and tossed it on the floor in the living room. she and i laid their, so that when he got up (am) that he could turn the light on in the bedroom to get dressed w/out bothering us. well, she ended up staying awake until 6:30 am, that's an hour and a half AFTER he left for work. in the mean time the baby woke to eat, i put he back down after she finished, and when Gracie finally went back to sleep, we were able to get a little rest. we woke up to Grandma Hurd calling to let us know that she was taking Aunt Ki Ki (my sister Katie) to the Dr. apparently she has laryngitis...yuk!! when they were on their way home they stop to see us.

Gracie was so happy to see them, "kiki, kiki, kiki" it has been a while since mom has seen the girls, she is so crazy with this schedule that she has now. so i suggested that they take Gracie home to spend the night. she couldn't get into their car fast enough. "to grandma's!!!" she was sooo happy. what a blessing that she loves all of her grandparents so much. family is a wonderful gift from the Lord. so i get a chance to do a little computer time, cleaning, before tomorrow, and i think we are having some friends over tonight, so it will be a nice night, and a calm morning getting ready for church. gracie is coming with grandma and grandpa. so i will only have to struggle getting myself dressed in the morning.( which is getting increasingly more frustrating....the curse of large boobs...nothing looks conservative. GRRR!)





Back to my morning with gracie though; I just love sleeping with her sooooo much. she wakes up so sweaty, and stuck to my arm, she has bad morning breath....and i love every part of it!!! so beautiful. i was afraid, fo some stupid reason, that my love for her would change with the new baby ( i think every mother thinks of that) but it has only strengthened. now i get to see her as the most wonderful big sister. when i brought the baby down briefly to feed her this AM, Grace was all over her. hugs, kisses, "i luv you kendy" "nice baby" drink your milkies, baby". it is sooooo precious.





i am dedicating these children to the Lord....surrendering them to Him. they are His, not mine, but what a wonderful thing that I am the one that He has entrusted to care for them, train them, teach them about him, with His help of course.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


it just started raining. we have been waiting for it for a couple of weeks now i think...the thirsty ground is drinking it up. i cant wait to get out there to plant our veggies this year. this rain is going to get that ground ready for the plants. i am going to grow so much this year. cant wait. well i am going to head downstairs to get the house ready for our company tomorrow.

Surrendering to Daddy

WOW!!! cant believe that tomorrow is the day that we are getting kenzie dedicated already. she is going to be 5 months old on the first of may. TIME!!!! it flies out the window. DON'T BLINK!!

our family isn't only going to be celebrating the dedication tomorrow, but also that my best friend, the girls Aunt Rachael, is FINALLY pregnant. we have all been praying for this for a while. her first is going to be 4 a month before her due date ( Christmas eve) she called me last week and asked me to be her doula. DUH!! of course. what a beautiful blessing to be there when a life enters into the world ; so that you can physically see them; what is this crap that it isn't a person when it is first created....bugs me for sure.

anyways, she had just recently surrendered that struggle to the Lord, and he showed himself faithful if his children are faithful, yet again. these days i am all about surrendering. i have a small group bible study at my home every other Saturday night, and at the last meeting, we spoke mainly of surrender. a friend, Marylou, led the discussion, and brought us each a small white flag to remind us of the "act" of surrender.

Jordan and i have begun LIVING that word. it is a struggle, and an everyday decision. you don't just do it once. you do it daily. and what blessings have been showered down on us because we are trusting the Lord to lead our path and provide...a big one lately. He just recently spoke into my heart to quit the "job" that i have had since Gracie was born. i worked with Partylite. i felt that it was only something for us for a time, and God told me when i was done. we are now only living on one income, while we trust the Lord to provide massage and doula clients for me. but when we do submit to the Lord on that daily basis, and remain in him, and faithful, well, our cups are overflowing. it makes me wonder why anyone would not want to know him with such intimacy, that their lives are in their "daddy's" hands. such a breath of fresh air it is. Personally, i have never known such peace, joy and contentment.

Mckenzie's Birth Story

Mckenzie’s Story

… only the beginning of my own..

Written on Dec 16th, 2007

I had convinced myself that this baby was going to come early. I had gotten so large so fast, not gaining much weight...it was all baby. However, early, was not the case. Quit the contrary. My due date was Nov 20th, 2007, and on that day, because of my mindset, I already felt as if I was overdue. It felt like it was never going to happen, because I could tell that my body was still not were it needed to be yet. A few days later, I felt that my body was ready, which made frustrations grow when still noting but Braxton-hicks was happening. I had not been paying attention to were me heart and mind were, and those were the 2 factors holding things closed, and postponing what I had grown so impatient for.

At, I believe, 4 or 5 days past due, I finally got my head right, I pushed my aggravation to a far part of my mind, and did everything that I could to maintain a positive attitude and environment for myself and my husband, Jordan. I instead, turned my attention and energy towards our other daughter, Grace. Spending time loving her. This was one of the hardest parts of waiting. Having to maintain that positive attitude in the midst of those fake contractions, that were teasing us. I would get my hopes up, thinking it was the real thing. Then having to realign my heart. I was exhausted by this. My wonderful midwife, Eileen, had a few times, suggested acupuncture, to help get things started. Even though I am a massage therapist, and know what it would do for me, I still resisted. However at 10 days I gave up, and made an appointment with Stacey...that appointment was a huge part of my birth. I went into labor that afternoon. But not before I truly had that chance to totally center my heart, mind, spirit, and energy. Afterwards, I held onto that internal harmony, focused on my breathing, and my baby. I even left my hair down for the rest of the night, so that none of myself was on knots.

At about 2:30am ( December 1, 2007 ) I woke to a few very strong contractions. “They didn’t stop overnight!!” I was so grateful . I smiled, went to the bathroom, and went to lay back down with my hubby. I wanted to cuddle, and get some love and energy from him. And share my joy, of what would be happening soon. But I was only able to lay there with him for a short time. By 4am I was ready to walk around and take a shower. I held off on the shower for a little bit, while I walked and prayed; keeping my heart in line with God’s, and in that positive place. I called Eileen at around 5:30am, to give her a heads up. She said to call her back if anything changed. From that point on, I lost all concept of time…it was actually happening! I called her back soon after that. The rushes were coming faster, and harder, and the weather was turning rough quickly as well (typical Buffalo December) and I didn’t want anyone to be rushing.

My best friend, Rachael got to the house first, just after Jordan’s parents came and picked Grace up for us. I was so grateful to see her. I had been holding onto Jordan, swaying back and forth during contractions. And when she got there, we had a chance to connect, while I held onto her during each one. Jordan was getting the birthing pool ready for me in the living room.

Beautiful connecting time with Rachael

I was surprised at how uncomfortable I got, and how fast I got there, and needed that pool, and the water. It felt great when I got in. I was in for quit awhile. With every contraction I needed silence from everyone, but in between, we had the greatest conversations. It felt like a party, with the only people in the world that I wanted to be with in those moments. We shared wonderful stories with each other.
In the pool, enjoying the company, and wonderful conversation.
There was a point though, that I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the contractions. They were coming hard and fast. I had gotten out of the pool to pee, and found myself more comfortable on the toilet trying to push. That is when I started feeling like I was going to loose it. My mind felt like a ball of yarn that was coming unwound, but it somehow remained tethered. Jordan helped so much at that point. I took his hand, and he leaned in and told me to take strength from him. I concentrated on his beautiful eyes, and did just that that.
From then on, I was in and out of the pool a few more times, to pee, and walk, and on one of the trips back to the pool, I needed to squat, and push, and that is when “God told us that we should not have worried about having a clean house for this”, Jordan joked later. My water broke all over the off -white carpet in my hallway. I tried to stay there and push, but it didn’t feel like it was time yet. So I got back into the pool. I was having the most incredible rushes, and making the most incredible sounds, that were helping me ride those waves, and allowing me to relax and open. I had moments were I felt like I couldn’t do it, and I said that out loud once or twice, but as soon as that came out of my mouth, being the know -it- all that I am, I didn’t want anyone else to have a chance to correct me, so I corrected myself immediately,. “Yes I can, Yes I can, Yes I can!!” But there were points were I did need some reminding and guidance. I was resisting getting on the same page as the baby, and was just paying attention to myself. Eileen said that we needed to “ work together” as soon as she said that, I went into a trance of sorts, inward to my heart, and the baby, allowing that teamwork.

Eileen checking the babies heartbeat.
....always strong, and beautiful to hear.

I stared to feel myself opening more, but when I tried to push, it still didn’t feel like it was time. I went into the bathroom, and tried to push there again; this time squatting on the floor, in front of the bathtub. That is when I started to feel like I needed to push. That is what was helping me cope with the contractions. It felt like I was trying that for a wile, and I was still not feeling any bulging or her head. Eileen asked me to go into the bedroom, so that she could check me, and see what was holding her back from coming down any further. When she did, she found that a piece of the cervix had fallen down in front of her head after my water broke, holding her back a bit. She tried to massage it out of the way, but that was almost more to handle than the contractions. So she encouraged me to breath through a few more without pushing to see if those contractions would help move the cervix, without me putting pressure on it by pushing. This was the hardest part of the birth. My mind wanted to push, but my body knew that it needed to hold off for a time more. I needed to wait. They turned the lights off, to decrease stimulation, and let me try to relax, and focus on my breathing. It was so hard not pushing, but Jordan laid down right next to me, and held me. And Rachael touched my legs, stayed connected to me., and prayed with us. What a beautiful blessing her mothering was at that moment. Eileen and our other midwife walked out and gave the 3 of us a chance to work together, and get our hearts in the same place. They helped me through each one. Between rushes, I felt like I fell asleep, then would wake to another. My body was taking much needed regrouping time.

Finally I was able to get up, to start pushing again. The cervix had still not moved, but we all trusted my body that what needed to happen would happen…and we allowed that. I started to get off of the bed, and everyone else left to get ready for me in the other room. Willie stayed behind to help me up. When I stood I had a few of my strongest ones yet. And all I could do was hold onto her, and push, she held me up, and kissed my head, and told me that I was doing a wonderful job. We made our way into the bathroom, and I got back into the same position I had tried to push in 2 hours before , but this time I knew that we were ready. Jordan stood in the tub, I squatted I front of it, and he held me up. Both of the midwives were behind me, and Rachael had to stand on top of the toilet with the video camera. It was one heck of a squeeze, but it felt like the right place. I had wanted to deliver in the pool, but I needed to feel the floor, solid under me, and gravity. I started pushing, and my body made progress fast. I felt such pressure as I stretched. I felt my mind flirting with the idea that I may tear, but I have noticed, in retrospect, that I found myself doing what I had done with all of my fears and doubts through the entire labor that day, I had been compartmentalizing all of those thoughts. I acknowledged it, and quickly pushed it away. I knew that if I held on to it, I would hold back. But as the contractions continued, I knew that the only way to get them to stop, was to work, and push her out.

Having Eileen at a certain point tell me to “give it all you’ve got” helped with what she and the baby were doing. After her head was out, I got a small rest, before her shoulders, which needed a little convincing . Eileen helped them clear, Willie gave a bit of pelvic pressure, and again told me to “push like crazy”. She fell out into Eileen’s arms at 5:25pm…BIG and BEAUTIFUL. Crying, making beautiful sounds. She handed us our baby, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was covered in blood and poop, and I loved every inch of her. Jordan took her for a minute, and I cut the cord. I held her and nursed her right away. She was great at it. Like she was an old pro. I sat back on the toilet, to try to give the placenta time to come. After a bit, they took the baby to get some measurements, while I delivered the placenta. Willie stayed with me, and Jordan, went to help Eileen do the baby’s measurments, while Rachael taped. It was a good thing that she did, b/c when we found out what she weighed, the reactions in my house were hysterical, and priceless….11lbs. 2ozs. 21 ¾ inches long. My beautiful little giant. My jaw dropped…I DID IT!! I had followed through with what I knew was best for my baby, and myself. And I did it, with a baby that big.

** WHAT AMAZING THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, when we trust our bodies, and let them do what they need to do, to make what needs to happen, happen!
After I had delivered the placenta, and they finished with the baby, we got back into the pool together, Jordan got in, and his parents dropped Gracie off for us. She couldn’t get naked fast enough…”pool, baby, swimmin’ .” It was perfect, and our true glimpse of heaven. With the four of us together. Loving each other, and welcoming our newest member, Mckenzie Alexandria to the world, and thanking our Lord for how beautiful it was.
After we got out, Jordan took grace and put her in bed, and got himself cleaned up. The girls helped me get into bed, and got something for me to eat and drink. The midwives left the bedroom, to take care of a few things, and that gave Rachael and I some alone time, I was so full of love and gratitude for everyone that was with me all day, and so much for her, my sister. I just needed to take that time to express my heart to her. It was such a beautiful night.
Both my parents, and Jordan’s came over right away to see the baby, but before they did, we pulled the champagne that I had chilling from the fridge, and we all, Eileen, Willie, Rachael, Jordan, and myself, had a beautiful toast, and sang happy birthday to Mckenzie…so beautiful, so perfect!!!

Our piece of heaven
…Mommy, Mckenzie, Gracie, and Daddy

Willie, Me w/ Mckenzie,
Rachael, and Eileen

….This has been a story of the day that our second daughter came into the world. But it was only the beginning of another birth story, my own. And the rediscovery of passions, and self, through an experience that only one other in my life, can top. Through the mothering of two beautiful midwives. The unwavering support of a true sister, and the intimate connection with my husband. All, through this entire experience.
The realizations of what is possible. What I can do!! The trust that I can have in myself, the strength that the Lord gives, and the incredible emotional, mental, and physical journey, that so many woman are denied, refuse out of fear, or lack of information to make a different choice. INCREADIBLE Options! I want every woman, to have the chance to take that journey. It unlocks, vast and unknown potential, love, and discovery. It opens a door to comprehending your own possibility. You realize that the walls that you thought were up in your life, to things you think are impossible, become insignificant. You find that the fears that you have about other things you could “never” accomplish in your life become something that you strive to achieve. Because you know that YOU CAN DO IT!!! What an empowerment. To look at those walls and know that you can scale them. That is the gift that you give yourself, and keep, for the rest of your life. Confidence, conviction, and passion.

A bit about us, and our beautiful girls!!

These are my 2 beautiful little girls. They are such a joy, and truely from the Lord. Mckenzie is the short one (he he he) ans Grace is our big girl. They are the beginning of " Our Growing Tree". Jordan and I will be celebrating out 7th weding anniversary this comming October 12th, and we do plan to, and look forward to haveing many more children. They truely have chaged our lives...for the very best. But hey, we are really working on practicing at the moment....he he he!

To start with, we always say that Gracie softened daddy's heart. A year after she was born, he accepted the our Lord, Jesus Christ, into his heart, as his Lord and Savior, and a few months later, (July 2007) he was baptised, in our church. Life has not been the same since. It is such a refreshing and wonderful thing to be on the same page, and to submit to your husband, and know who he is "workin' " for. he is such a wonderful blessing to me, and makes the cups of my children and myself run over with blessings. And he is growing so much in his walk with the Lord. He so strives to be a Godly father, and husband. i respect this man sooooooo much, can you tell =).

Our first daughter Gracie, was the "maybe baby"...i couldnt tell with the pee stick if i was REALLY prego. the other line was barely there. and we had just started trying to get pregnant. we were so happy. we had been married at the time for about 4 1/2 years.

On a plane ride to visit Jordan's family in Georgia, i met a woman, who was pregnant with her 2nd, and started telling me about her first delivery....in a birthing center, naturally. Of course this was in another state, so i didnt get that option when i started looking. So i simply decided to start looking for a midwife in the area, and any options that i DID have to help along what i wanted in "natural birthing". well i went into labor on february 2nd, 2006. at about 4 in the morning my water broke...it was our first, and she was posterior...so, instead of doing what we knew we should have done, stay home for a while, we headed off for the hospital, i knew that wasn't what i wanted, so my contractions lessened, and by the time we got there, they were nill. grrrrr! we were so eager, and impatient, that i took the pitocin, and the epidural, everything that i didn't want. she was still born beautifully into our arms on the 3rd...37 hours later. but for our next child, my next birthing experience i wanted something else....so i went looking.

A huge chunk of this blog, i am sure, is going to talk a ton about natural birthing, and i will be posting both of my birth stories....b/c after i went on that search, i found exactly what i wanted for myself, my baby, and my family in a birthing experience. it changed my life, my relationships with everyone...Jordan, Gracie, my family, friends, and mostly my father....my heavenly one, that is. for more info on those births i am going to be posting that as a separate blog. so go look for them.