Oh my goodness. tomorrow we are going to be celebrating McKenzie's first birthday. Her party is from 3-5, just a small family get together. Her real birthday is on Monday, Dec 1st, but we wanted to do something on the weekend. She is starting to grow faster. She came out huge, didn't grow very much in the first 9 month, but for the last 3 months, she has been unbelievable. she had 3 teeth come in, and one more should be in any day now, she gained a ton of weight...finally, and she is crawling, and "cruising" everywhere.

She is also starting to get an attitude. She has always done very well with listening to us when we say "no" about something, or "don't touch". but now when she has something that she shouldn't, and we try to take it from her, she has a bit of a fit. This child is going to need so much training of the heart. She is quiet and well behaved, but when it comes to her attitude, we can already see that she is going to be the one that submits on the outside, but stands firm on the inside when we are training her. stubborn...like daddy.

Gracie is sooooooooooo different. She is physically affectionate, and verbally lovey-dovey, likes cuddles, and all that. But Kenzie...no no no, that will just not do for her. she wants time alone to sleep, you can't rock her into a nap of any kind. she doesn't like cuddles at all. funny kid! but they are still such beautiful gifts from the Lord. And they are both His princesses. And I am very grateful for the opportunity to parent such wonderfully different little girls. It will be a challenge, but one that i know that Christ will back us up all that way on, if we put him first in our family. Praise God for the chance to grow!!!

WOW!!!!! We have had a busy, but wonderful summer. Our garden provided, well God did, really. We got to spend time outside weeding ever few days. But boy, soooo much rain. One thing that we did get to do, is scope out some new cool playgraounds for the girls. We found a great one, not too far away, that has a rock wall that gracie is addicted to. Kenzie loved watching her sister, and falling asleep in the swings.




Gracie has been starting to do better with the potty, and this is one of the funny pics that we got of her..Just like daddy!! ha ha ha!
She has grown up so much, in so many ways. 1st, she grew 2 1/2 in 4 months. she is huge! she has become the best "little mommy" to kenzie. it is beautiful to watch the compassion that God has instilled in her. she helps me do everything with her. feeding, changing. she even nurses her babies when i am nursing the baby, who is no longer such a "baby" anymore herself. she has also grown a ton. at 16.12lbs, she is starting to walk with our hands and doing a great job of it. she gets up and walks around the furniture, crawls all over, and will eat ANYTHING! They are both changing.

As for Jordan and i, he is in a bible study right now about Godly leadership on Sunday nights, and he is loving it. he gets to a cigar with his dad every Tuesday, and he gets..plenty..of time with the girls in the evenings now, because i am a busy girl lately. I was offered an invitation from the Buffalo Philharmonic Chorus, to be a 1st soprano. we rehearse every Monday, and a few days in a row around the time of concerts, all of which are performed with the BP Orchestra. It is a wonderful challenge for me. I'm loving that about it.

I have a ton more pics to post, and i will get to that later on. the In-Laws are joining us for dinner tonight, and i am MAKING pizza, and wings (baked, i know, not the Buffalo way!) so i has some prep to do while the girls are down for a nap.

Movin' n' Grovin'

Gracie has been a big help with Mckenzie lately. since she has started "creeping" Gracie follows her around and plays with her...its great!!! today kenzie got herself stuck under a chair in the dinning room. Gracie brought her a block to play with...so essential in that situatioon, ha ha ha!! Mckenzie did just turn 8 month on the 1st of this month, and she really is moving. this is a video of her going after her block, and one of queenie's balls. and just check out the smile!!

Company Picnic

Every year, jordan's company has a fantastic picnic. this year it was on august 3rd. we have so much fun every time, but this year was the best yet. our friends, the ritenburg's, go every year b/c peter works with jordan. rachael is one of my best friends, and thier daughter hailey is gracies BEST buddy. we go and eat some great food, climb rock walls, ride ponies, swim, play games, get a BUNCH of free goodies (toys for the girls) face painting....everything.

Sorry you have to watch the rock wall one sideways, but it is so funny. after only a few attempts, she was able to scale this wall in under 30 seconds. we were so proud of her. but a bit thrown back by her insistance of independence. she is growing up so fast. and just look at the kid...she looks like a natural, with the hat, and the sandals. just tooooo cute

Gracie had so much fun that she completely left consciousness...with a chip in her hand (untouched) not a minute after she asked for it










We had such a great time as a family!! Praise God for this oportunity every year!

yummy baby!!

there is one more photo that jordan is in love with and would like me to put it on here....so, here it is.....

...she is sooooooooo yummy

jordan calls this her "curious george face"

Summer Fun

Oh Boy!!! It has been a great summer so far. It is a bunch of my favorite weather....rainy. Lots of thunder. Jordan and i both love sleeping during storms, and both of the girls are proving to be like mommy and daddy with that. Gracie likes watching the rain on the livingroom windows.

We have been working on our garden, spending time with eachother, and with our friends and family. Our friends Nick and Liz are getting married at the end of august, and we have been having them over as much as we can b/c we know that after they hear wedding bells, we will not see them for a while...as it should be. Anyways...Liz is an amazing photographer, and she has taken some great pics of me for jordan, and also a bunch of black and white of Mckenzie, and a few, so far, of Gracie. now i just have to pick what i want printed...there are so many beautiful ones to choose one. Here are just a couple:

Gracie decided to take her clothes off and come down the stair like that after her nap on a Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago

Gracie loves her sister soooo much!!

We also got to go to the beach..were gracie would NOT get out of the water even though it was almost over her head with the waves, and she looked soooo cold. that silly girl.

and we had fun at the zoo together too.

she loved hangin' out w/ daddy, and pointing at all the cool animals.

Our crazy month so far

WOW!! We have been a busy bunch this past month. Ever spare moment has been spent in out BIG veggie garden. We have had one for a few years, but it was always restricted to a small part of the back yard, b/c of the fence that was up. No more of that this year!!! We got ride of that ugly thing, and we extended the garden quit a bit. now it is about 125 sq. ft. big and beautiful. We will take some pictures as it grows to put up on the site.

Gracie was a great help while we were doing all of that work. When i was busy tilling up that fun Cheektowaga clay (the ground) she would play with Mckenzie on a blanket. Or while I was planting everything, she helped dig the holes.

During all of that outside craziness, Grace, was somehow...POTTY TRAINED!!! It took one month. I woke up one morning, said enough is enough. We use cloth diapers, and the washer was always going, b/c Gracie was always going. I tossed a potty video on for her a few times over a 2 day period, and got her excited about it. Then i used my friend Nancy's suggestion. We lived in the bathroom for 2 more days. It took her a little longer with pooping, but she finally did it. it is soooooo great. She is such a big girl!!! OH, and she has grown almost one full inch in the last month alone. Too big, Too fast.

One of the reasons i am so surprised how well Grace did with the potty, is b/c i have been a bit preoccupied with Mckenzie. We have been worried about her weight for a while now. She stared out SOOOOOO huge, that there is no text book reference for the ideal size of our, now, 61/2 month old infant. For the last few months she has weighed around the same amount, about 12.7-9, when she was born, she was 11.2. That is enough to make you look at the scale again.

However, i have now entered a new phase of motherhood. Arguing with the pediatrician. We like to consider ourselves to be very well informed, and education parents when it comes to many things that most parents don't even question; just simply nod there head to anything a doctor tells them. When it comes to the health, diet, and physical well being of our girls, WE DO THE RESEARCH!!! I know what is in formula, and I just don't want to give it to my kids. If other parents make other decisions with their kids, that okay. But we only get certain shots, we take the kids to a chiropractor more than to a pediatrician, I have my babies at home,and i breastfeed.

Over the last few months, with Kenzie not gaining much weight, i did more research, and prepared myself for what may be wrong. ( she is perfect, and exactly he way God created her to be, even if that, one day, isn't our idea of perfect.) After tons of questions to 1 chiropractor, 2 nutritionists, and 2 lactation consultants, I had my answer, and we figured out what needed to be done , but then the doctor called us last night. Although she was telling us that everything about the blood work that we had done on her 2 weeks ago was fine, she proceeded to advise me to give formula after i breastfeed her, for the next 2 weeks, just to help her to gain weight faster. Now, if i was an unquestioning parent, nodding away, then i would say,"yeah, sure", and do what she said. however, i have, since the blood work, in talking to all of those specialists, found what the problem is (was) and have taken action. we have noticed a difference in her already.

So, all that explanation, to simply say to everyone reading this blog, the concerned friends and family, we love you and appreciate all of your concern. God has a plan for his children, and for the health of each and everyone of us, and i am going to go along with that, whatever the outcome. We are, and always will take care of those beautiful gifts of the Lord, to the best of our ability, and knowledge. Mckenzie is a wonderfully, beautifully, God-woven creation, and she is HEALTHY.

Anyways, i will be posting some pics over the next few days, of both of the girls. i got some great ones of the girls in the pool, and gracie devouring a watermelon =).

This past week, the Lord revealed himself to our family once again, through overwhelming provision. He has always provided, but now it is in such HUGE ways. What a blessing that we can drop to our knees together, and be an example to our children to thank Him for everything...the good and the bad. And, WOW, is it amazing to say that example come to fruition. Gracie insists on praying before each meal. She grabs Mckenzie's hand and just starts mumbling, "Dear God, ......" And when she is scared about something at night, she says that she wants to pray about it. So fantastic!

We have all been busy getting our garden ready for the season. We are extending it quit a bit this year. We are going to plant a ton of EVERYTHING. We are going to work on planting extra so that we can give a bunch away. In the mean time, though, we have sooooooooo much tilling to do. and weeding out the grass that we are going over. That is the job that Gracie poo gets to help with. She is helping pull that grass out, and when it comes time to put the plants that we have started into the ground, she is going to help with that too. I never really understood the whole, "joy in gardening " thing, until we started to do the veggies. What a great thing to have a hand in feeding your family, and others. Getting out there in the morning to water everything.

I am sure that we will have a few pictures on here from our hard work out there. I just hope that i can take time to get those pics...I am sure i am going to spend a big chunk of my time out there trying to keep Gracie from eating ALL of the tomatoes...her favorite!!

More pix of my gifts from the Lord

I have to say that i am lovin' this blogging thing. it is reminding me to take more pictures...of everything. Helping me to grab those memories. they are going by so fast. Even if nobody is seeing this except us. We will remember. I love that i get to give glory to God for everything on here too. Its all from Him...the good, and the bad. and i will take it all, and praise him. We will do so as a family.













on her way to day care, she calls
it school, so we make sure to
bring her Dora backpack






Learning how to care for,
and love each other

Our Early Mother's Day "Trip"

WOW!!!!!!! I have no word to describe how blessed we are. The Lord has provided for us for sure this week. (as usual...don't know why we would ever think otherwise). we were able to take the girls to the Niagara Aquarium, and to see the Falls. Gracie, still, had never been. "waterfall!!" I wanted to do something, just the four of us for Mother's Day. and we are going out with my family on Sunday, so i wanted to do it when Jordan was off this past Tuesday. we were thinking about the Museum of play in Rochester, but we decided to stay closer to home. Gracie had sooooooo much fun. It was beautiful to watch her with Jordan, while he explained different things to her; the names of different fish, and what they eat. But the best was hearing her say the word "anemone".

Grace and Daddy, watching the Sea lion show

...Such curiosity

Mckenzie, getting a little look at the "underwater world"

Daddy took her for a minute to give her a better view.

Mckenzie and i got to hang back a little bit. I had her in a carrier on me the whole time, and i think that she loved the uninterrupted mommy time. She and i, at one point, just sat down on a big, fake rock that they have next to the HUGE sea loin tank. I fed her right there, while The sea lions made Grace laughed so hard, b/c they liked to show off for her. They would swim right at her, and when they got w/in inches of the glass they would turn to the side, and swim off. When we first walked in, they were in the middle of the sea show, and we all enjoyed those funny guys balancing the balls, and doing flips and things for the trainer. While we were downstairs looking into the tank, one of the sea lions started playing with a small orange traffic cone. He would use his nose to bring it up to the surface of the water, and he would let it go so that he cold go get it, and play his little game all over again. But whenever he would let it go, Gracie would say "uh-oh, he drop it", and when he retrieved it once again, she would react with "good job, shark".

After we left the aquarium, we headed down to the falls. "WOW, bathtub....I swimmin' ", and as we drove along the Niagara river to find a parking space she said "oooo, bubbles...I go tubby". So funny.We stayed there for a little bit, but both of the girls were starting to fall asleep in our arms so we headed home.

Funny faces, in new places!!

** What a WONDERFUL Mother's Day **

Mckenzie's Dedication..(video of)

There are a ton of pictures, and i am only including a couple

* I wish everyone could have been there, but now you can view the photos, and be a part of our special day as a FAMILY!!!

Wonderful fun with my girls this morning!!

So Gracie helped me make pizza the other day....and as usual, she had a blast!!! she kept picking at the dough, and eating it. Silly Goose. he he he, she is so funny. then she decided to put her hands in the big container i keep the flower in, take some out and sprinkle it on her head, and on the dog. Jordan and i couldn't help but laugh a ton. And of course she "helped" us with the cheese...aka, she ate it as she was putting it on the pizza. so cute.

This morning, after i got her dressed, while she was watching Elmo's World, i braided her hair. after i was done she looked at me and said " beautiful?"

i love her hair this length b/c i can do a few things with it. but i have to say, if i don't do anything to it she has a mullet, and it drives Aunt Rachael nuts. To make it look a better, Rachael said that she is going to cute her hair for me soon. nothing crazy, just to even it out a little. lets hope that she sits still for the scissors!!

I am not sure if it going to happen any time soon though. Rachael is soooooooooooo sick already with this pregnancy. Very nauseous, all the time. So we are praying for that a bunch....yes we..Gracie and mommy. my cutie prays by herself now!!! Before bed, nap time or nighttime, she get on her knees at the side of her bed, folds her hands together, and bows her head. When she prays, it is very muffled, and I cant understand much of it, but i know that the Lord is being praised and truly glorified in her innocence, and beautiful prayers that only he understands. Once and a while, though, you can pick up a name or 2. Lately those have been, Aunt Rachael, Hailey, and her new friend Abby from school(she goes to a friends day care 1 day a week for the fun with other kids, she LOVES it). It is such a wonderful thing, to see her worshiping the Lord. it makes you think "wow, i am teaching her some things the right way." and that childlike innocence, is such a real inspiration. it encourages my walk with the Lord to be more one of those with my "daddy".

~~~~~~~~~

On a different note, when Mckenzie woke up this morning she was all smiles. and Gracie couldn't stop kissing her, and telling her she loved her. so refreshing watching such pure love for her sister.

then she proceeded to hop onto the back of the coach and put BIG smudges all over the mirror that i just cleaned yesterday....but to be honest, i like them best when they have little hand prints all over them.

while i was feeding the baby, Gracie wanted to take care of her baby, so she put her in the swing, but she saw me taking a picture so she ran around to hide. she has so much energy in the morning. that is when we like to go crazy, and tickle, and sing songs the most.

well we are going to work on learning our colors now, and i have to do some cleaning b/f tomorrow. i have a sitter coming over in the afternoon an Saturday. i have a sound check/rehearsal at 4 for a concert that i am performing in on Sunday. it is downtown at the Delaware Baptist Church at 4p. i am singing with a good friend of mine, Liz, and the whole worship team, and the worship leader from our church. we are one of the opening acts before Brianna Scott, a big name in hip hop christian music, comes on. we are all looking forward to it. but it is going to be a busy weekend.

Kenzie's dedication/ Blessings

Well, we had Mckenzie dedicated yesterday. it was wonderful to have our WHOLE family there to support us. both sets of parents, grandmothers, uncle rick, and Rachael and Peter brought Hailey along as well. it was a great day of love and the Lord. the weather held up so that we were able to enjoy the sunshine a bit (with sweaters on) . and of course all the guys..Jordan, Peter, Jordan's father were all out there smoking their yukky cigars.

Rachael and i tried to put the girls down for a nap together.....NOT. instead, those cute little girls took Gracie's dresser apart, trying on ALL of her cloths in the process. It was adorable. i love that they have so much fun together. since there was no nap, Grace was in bed very early, and mommy and daddy got to just hang out and relax. it was a lovely day/

This morning, Gracie helped me juice a bunch of veggies. she loves throwing the carrots in. she put some apples in too, but she would shove them, and they would get stuck. when that happened, all you would hear was "uh-oh" she had a blast. and she kept trying to drink it out of the measuring cup that i catch the juice with. once i put it into her cup, she drank it right down. i did give a few ounces of it to McKenzie, and she was lovin' it.

I love having Gracie help me with things like that. that most fun that we have in the kitchen together, is when we are going to have pizza for super. I make it from scratch...and she LOVES making the dough. when i am kneading it out onto the cookie sheet she says "punch it, punch it" as she pushes her hands along the edges of the sheet to get it to spread. we dump the sauce on, and she paints it around with a basting brush. Daddy shreds the cheese, and Gracie sprinkles it all over...what is left after she eats a handful or two of it, he he he! Jordan likes peperoni on it, but every time Grace is putting it on, she forgets what it tasted like the time before, so i have a cup of water ready...she takes a tiny bite "a hot, a hot" she throws it back down on the pizza and turns her nose up at it. she and I are both in agreement..."daddy, you can have your pepperoni."

both of the girls are down for a nap, and i am going to head down and make some soup for dinner tonight. i have a bunch of ingredients, but i haven't decided what i am going to use yet. some barley, lentils, white beans?? who knows. but i am just grateful that we have food to keep our family healthy. there are all of these people around the world now, because of these food shortages, that something as simple as beans or rice, is a stretch. Praise God our Provider that we live where we do, and even when some aren't able to afford food, there are opportunities in this country that offer assistance. so many of those other countries don't even have the food to offer their struggling citizens. so i am headed off, to praise the Lord for many things.

Gracie poo!!

Gracie Loo Hoo, showin' of her cuteness

Gracie did some coloring

gracie did some coloring yesterday....enjoy.

she did!!

Little Gracie Loo-Hoo

my cute patutie little Gracie girl, has a diaper rash, and her poor little bum is sooo red. she must have peed or something last night, in her diaper, b/c she woke up at 3am, screaming so stinking loud. daddy grabbed her from upstairs, we took her diaper off, and tossed her into bed with us. Jordan had to be up very early for work today, so he took a futon mattress that we have and tossed it on the floor in the living room. she and i laid their, so that when he got up (am) that he could turn the light on in the bedroom to get dressed w/out bothering us. well, she ended up staying awake until 6:30 am, that's an hour and a half AFTER he left for work. in the mean time the baby woke to eat, i put he back down after she finished, and when Gracie finally went back to sleep, we were able to get a little rest. we woke up to Grandma Hurd calling to let us know that she was taking Aunt Ki Ki (my sister Katie) to the Dr. apparently she has laryngitis...yuk!! when they were on their way home they stop to see us.

Gracie was so happy to see them, "kiki, kiki, kiki" it has been a while since mom has seen the girls, she is so crazy with this schedule that she has now. so i suggested that they take Gracie home to spend the night. she couldn't get into their car fast enough. "to grandma's!!!" she was sooo happy. what a blessing that she loves all of her grandparents so much. family is a wonderful gift from the Lord. so i get a chance to do a little computer time, cleaning, before tomorrow, and i think we are having some friends over tonight, so it will be a nice night, and a calm morning getting ready for church. gracie is coming with grandma and grandpa. so i will only have to struggle getting myself dressed in the morning.( which is getting increasingly more frustrating....the curse of large boobs...nothing looks conservative. GRRR!)





Back to my morning with gracie though; I just love sleeping with her sooooo much. she wakes up so sweaty, and stuck to my arm, she has bad morning breath....and i love every part of it!!! so beautiful. i was afraid, fo some stupid reason, that my love for her would change with the new baby ( i think every mother thinks of that) but it has only strengthened. now i get to see her as the most wonderful big sister. when i brought the baby down briefly to feed her this AM, Grace was all over her. hugs, kisses, "i luv you kendy" "nice baby" drink your milkies, baby". it is sooooo precious.





i am dedicating these children to the Lord....surrendering them to Him. they are His, not mine, but what a wonderful thing that I am the one that He has entrusted to care for them, train them, teach them about him, with His help of course.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


it just started raining. we have been waiting for it for a couple of weeks now i think...the thirsty ground is drinking it up. i cant wait to get out there to plant our veggies this year. this rain is going to get that ground ready for the plants. i am going to grow so much this year. cant wait. well i am going to head downstairs to get the house ready for our company tomorrow.

Surrendering to Daddy

WOW!!! cant believe that tomorrow is the day that we are getting kenzie dedicated already. she is going to be 5 months old on the first of may. TIME!!!! it flies out the window. DON'T BLINK!!

our family isn't only going to be celebrating the dedication tomorrow, but also that my best friend, the girls Aunt Rachael, is FINALLY pregnant. we have all been praying for this for a while. her first is going to be 4 a month before her due date ( Christmas eve) she called me last week and asked me to be her doula. DUH!! of course. what a beautiful blessing to be there when a life enters into the world ; so that you can physically see them; what is this crap that it isn't a person when it is first created....bugs me for sure.

anyways, she had just recently surrendered that struggle to the Lord, and he showed himself faithful if his children are faithful, yet again. these days i am all about surrendering. i have a small group bible study at my home every other Saturday night, and at the last meeting, we spoke mainly of surrender. a friend, Marylou, led the discussion, and brought us each a small white flag to remind us of the "act" of surrender.

Jordan and i have begun LIVING that word. it is a struggle, and an everyday decision. you don't just do it once. you do it daily. and what blessings have been showered down on us because we are trusting the Lord to lead our path and provide...a big one lately. He just recently spoke into my heart to quit the "job" that i have had since Gracie was born. i worked with Partylite. i felt that it was only something for us for a time, and God told me when i was done. we are now only living on one income, while we trust the Lord to provide massage and doula clients for me. but when we do submit to the Lord on that daily basis, and remain in him, and faithful, well, our cups are overflowing. it makes me wonder why anyone would not want to know him with such intimacy, that their lives are in their "daddy's" hands. such a breath of fresh air it is. Personally, i have never known such peace, joy and contentment.

Mckenzie's Birth Story

Mckenzie’s Story

… only the beginning of my own..

Written on Dec 16th, 2007

I had convinced myself that this baby was going to come early. I had gotten so large so fast, not gaining much weight...it was all baby. However, early, was not the case. Quit the contrary. My due date was Nov 20th, 2007, and on that day, because of my mindset, I already felt as if I was overdue. It felt like it was never going to happen, because I could tell that my body was still not were it needed to be yet. A few days later, I felt that my body was ready, which made frustrations grow when still noting but Braxton-hicks was happening. I had not been paying attention to were me heart and mind were, and those were the 2 factors holding things closed, and postponing what I had grown so impatient for.

At, I believe, 4 or 5 days past due, I finally got my head right, I pushed my aggravation to a far part of my mind, and did everything that I could to maintain a positive attitude and environment for myself and my husband, Jordan. I instead, turned my attention and energy towards our other daughter, Grace. Spending time loving her. This was one of the hardest parts of waiting. Having to maintain that positive attitude in the midst of those fake contractions, that were teasing us. I would get my hopes up, thinking it was the real thing. Then having to realign my heart. I was exhausted by this. My wonderful midwife, Eileen, had a few times, suggested acupuncture, to help get things started. Even though I am a massage therapist, and know what it would do for me, I still resisted. However at 10 days I gave up, and made an appointment with Stacey...that appointment was a huge part of my birth. I went into labor that afternoon. But not before I truly had that chance to totally center my heart, mind, spirit, and energy. Afterwards, I held onto that internal harmony, focused on my breathing, and my baby. I even left my hair down for the rest of the night, so that none of myself was on knots.

At about 2:30am ( December 1, 2007 ) I woke to a few very strong contractions. “They didn’t stop overnight!!” I was so grateful . I smiled, went to the bathroom, and went to lay back down with my hubby. I wanted to cuddle, and get some love and energy from him. And share my joy, of what would be happening soon. But I was only able to lay there with him for a short time. By 4am I was ready to walk around and take a shower. I held off on the shower for a little bit, while I walked and prayed; keeping my heart in line with God’s, and in that positive place. I called Eileen at around 5:30am, to give her a heads up. She said to call her back if anything changed. From that point on, I lost all concept of time…it was actually happening! I called her back soon after that. The rushes were coming faster, and harder, and the weather was turning rough quickly as well (typical Buffalo December) and I didn’t want anyone to be rushing.

My best friend, Rachael got to the house first, just after Jordan’s parents came and picked Grace up for us. I was so grateful to see her. I had been holding onto Jordan, swaying back and forth during contractions. And when she got there, we had a chance to connect, while I held onto her during each one. Jordan was getting the birthing pool ready for me in the living room.

Beautiful connecting time with Rachael

I was surprised at how uncomfortable I got, and how fast I got there, and needed that pool, and the water. It felt great when I got in. I was in for quit awhile. With every contraction I needed silence from everyone, but in between, we had the greatest conversations. It felt like a party, with the only people in the world that I wanted to be with in those moments. We shared wonderful stories with each other.
In the pool, enjoying the company, and wonderful conversation.
There was a point though, that I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the contractions. They were coming hard and fast. I had gotten out of the pool to pee, and found myself more comfortable on the toilet trying to push. That is when I started feeling like I was going to loose it. My mind felt like a ball of yarn that was coming unwound, but it somehow remained tethered. Jordan helped so much at that point. I took his hand, and he leaned in and told me to take strength from him. I concentrated on his beautiful eyes, and did just that that.
From then on, I was in and out of the pool a few more times, to pee, and walk, and on one of the trips back to the pool, I needed to squat, and push, and that is when “God told us that we should not have worried about having a clean house for this”, Jordan joked later. My water broke all over the off -white carpet in my hallway. I tried to stay there and push, but it didn’t feel like it was time yet. So I got back into the pool. I was having the most incredible rushes, and making the most incredible sounds, that were helping me ride those waves, and allowing me to relax and open. I had moments were I felt like I couldn’t do it, and I said that out loud once or twice, but as soon as that came out of my mouth, being the know -it- all that I am, I didn’t want anyone else to have a chance to correct me, so I corrected myself immediately,. “Yes I can, Yes I can, Yes I can!!” But there were points were I did need some reminding and guidance. I was resisting getting on the same page as the baby, and was just paying attention to myself. Eileen said that we needed to “ work together” as soon as she said that, I went into a trance of sorts, inward to my heart, and the baby, allowing that teamwork.

Eileen checking the babies heartbeat.
....always strong, and beautiful to hear.

I stared to feel myself opening more, but when I tried to push, it still didn’t feel like it was time. I went into the bathroom, and tried to push there again; this time squatting on the floor, in front of the bathtub. That is when I started to feel like I needed to push. That is what was helping me cope with the contractions. It felt like I was trying that for a wile, and I was still not feeling any bulging or her head. Eileen asked me to go into the bedroom, so that she could check me, and see what was holding her back from coming down any further. When she did, she found that a piece of the cervix had fallen down in front of her head after my water broke, holding her back a bit. She tried to massage it out of the way, but that was almost more to handle than the contractions. So she encouraged me to breath through a few more without pushing to see if those contractions would help move the cervix, without me putting pressure on it by pushing. This was the hardest part of the birth. My mind wanted to push, but my body knew that it needed to hold off for a time more. I needed to wait. They turned the lights off, to decrease stimulation, and let me try to relax, and focus on my breathing. It was so hard not pushing, but Jordan laid down right next to me, and held me. And Rachael touched my legs, stayed connected to me., and prayed with us. What a beautiful blessing her mothering was at that moment. Eileen and our other midwife walked out and gave the 3 of us a chance to work together, and get our hearts in the same place. They helped me through each one. Between rushes, I felt like I fell asleep, then would wake to another. My body was taking much needed regrouping time.

Finally I was able to get up, to start pushing again. The cervix had still not moved, but we all trusted my body that what needed to happen would happen…and we allowed that. I started to get off of the bed, and everyone else left to get ready for me in the other room. Willie stayed behind to help me up. When I stood I had a few of my strongest ones yet. And all I could do was hold onto her, and push, she held me up, and kissed my head, and told me that I was doing a wonderful job. We made our way into the bathroom, and I got back into the same position I had tried to push in 2 hours before , but this time I knew that we were ready. Jordan stood in the tub, I squatted I front of it, and he held me up. Both of the midwives were behind me, and Rachael had to stand on top of the toilet with the video camera. It was one heck of a squeeze, but it felt like the right place. I had wanted to deliver in the pool, but I needed to feel the floor, solid under me, and gravity. I started pushing, and my body made progress fast. I felt such pressure as I stretched. I felt my mind flirting with the idea that I may tear, but I have noticed, in retrospect, that I found myself doing what I had done with all of my fears and doubts through the entire labor that day, I had been compartmentalizing all of those thoughts. I acknowledged it, and quickly pushed it away. I knew that if I held on to it, I would hold back. But as the contractions continued, I knew that the only way to get them to stop, was to work, and push her out.

Having Eileen at a certain point tell me to “give it all you’ve got” helped with what she and the baby were doing. After her head was out, I got a small rest, before her shoulders, which needed a little convincing . Eileen helped them clear, Willie gave a bit of pelvic pressure, and again told me to “push like crazy”. She fell out into Eileen’s arms at 5:25pm…BIG and BEAUTIFUL. Crying, making beautiful sounds. She handed us our baby, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was covered in blood and poop, and I loved every inch of her. Jordan took her for a minute, and I cut the cord. I held her and nursed her right away. She was great at it. Like she was an old pro. I sat back on the toilet, to try to give the placenta time to come. After a bit, they took the baby to get some measurements, while I delivered the placenta. Willie stayed with me, and Jordan, went to help Eileen do the baby’s measurments, while Rachael taped. It was a good thing that she did, b/c when we found out what she weighed, the reactions in my house were hysterical, and priceless….11lbs. 2ozs. 21 ¾ inches long. My beautiful little giant. My jaw dropped…I DID IT!! I had followed through with what I knew was best for my baby, and myself. And I did it, with a baby that big.

** WHAT AMAZING THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, when we trust our bodies, and let them do what they need to do, to make what needs to happen, happen!
After I had delivered the placenta, and they finished with the baby, we got back into the pool together, Jordan got in, and his parents dropped Gracie off for us. She couldn’t get naked fast enough…”pool, baby, swimmin’ .” It was perfect, and our true glimpse of heaven. With the four of us together. Loving each other, and welcoming our newest member, Mckenzie Alexandria to the world, and thanking our Lord for how beautiful it was.
After we got out, Jordan took grace and put her in bed, and got himself cleaned up. The girls helped me get into bed, and got something for me to eat and drink. The midwives left the bedroom, to take care of a few things, and that gave Rachael and I some alone time, I was so full of love and gratitude for everyone that was with me all day, and so much for her, my sister. I just needed to take that time to express my heart to her. It was such a beautiful night.
Both my parents, and Jordan’s came over right away to see the baby, but before they did, we pulled the champagne that I had chilling from the fridge, and we all, Eileen, Willie, Rachael, Jordan, and myself, had a beautiful toast, and sang happy birthday to Mckenzie…so beautiful, so perfect!!!

Our piece of heaven
…Mommy, Mckenzie, Gracie, and Daddy

Willie, Me w/ Mckenzie,
Rachael, and Eileen

….This has been a story of the day that our second daughter came into the world. But it was only the beginning of another birth story, my own. And the rediscovery of passions, and self, through an experience that only one other in my life, can top. Through the mothering of two beautiful midwives. The unwavering support of a true sister, and the intimate connection with my husband. All, through this entire experience.
The realizations of what is possible. What I can do!! The trust that I can have in myself, the strength that the Lord gives, and the incredible emotional, mental, and physical journey, that so many woman are denied, refuse out of fear, or lack of information to make a different choice. INCREADIBLE Options! I want every woman, to have the chance to take that journey. It unlocks, vast and unknown potential, love, and discovery. It opens a door to comprehending your own possibility. You realize that the walls that you thought were up in your life, to things you think are impossible, become insignificant. You find that the fears that you have about other things you could “never” accomplish in your life become something that you strive to achieve. Because you know that YOU CAN DO IT!!! What an empowerment. To look at those walls and know that you can scale them. That is the gift that you give yourself, and keep, for the rest of your life. Confidence, conviction, and passion.

A bit about us, and our beautiful girls!!

These are my 2 beautiful little girls. They are such a joy, and truely from the Lord. Mckenzie is the short one (he he he) ans Grace is our big girl. They are the beginning of " Our Growing Tree". Jordan and I will be celebrating out 7th weding anniversary this comming October 12th, and we do plan to, and look forward to haveing many more children. They truely have chaged our lives...for the very best. But hey, we are really working on practicing at the moment....he he he!

To start with, we always say that Gracie softened daddy's heart. A year after she was born, he accepted the our Lord, Jesus Christ, into his heart, as his Lord and Savior, and a few months later, (July 2007) he was baptised, in our church. Life has not been the same since. It is such a refreshing and wonderful thing to be on the same page, and to submit to your husband, and know who he is "workin' " for. he is such a wonderful blessing to me, and makes the cups of my children and myself run over with blessings. And he is growing so much in his walk with the Lord. He so strives to be a Godly father, and husband. i respect this man sooooooo much, can you tell =).

Our first daughter Gracie, was the "maybe baby"...i couldnt tell with the pee stick if i was REALLY prego. the other line was barely there. and we had just started trying to get pregnant. we were so happy. we had been married at the time for about 4 1/2 years.

On a plane ride to visit Jordan's family in Georgia, i met a woman, who was pregnant with her 2nd, and started telling me about her first delivery....in a birthing center, naturally. Of course this was in another state, so i didnt get that option when i started looking. So i simply decided to start looking for a midwife in the area, and any options that i DID have to help along what i wanted in "natural birthing". well i went into labor on february 2nd, 2006. at about 4 in the morning my water broke...it was our first, and she was posterior...so, instead of doing what we knew we should have done, stay home for a while, we headed off for the hospital, i knew that wasn't what i wanted, so my contractions lessened, and by the time we got there, they were nill. grrrrr! we were so eager, and impatient, that i took the pitocin, and the epidural, everything that i didn't want. she was still born beautifully into our arms on the 3rd...37 hours later. but for our next child, my next birthing experience i wanted something else....so i went looking.

A huge chunk of this blog, i am sure, is going to talk a ton about natural birthing, and i will be posting both of my birth stories....b/c after i went on that search, i found exactly what i wanted for myself, my baby, and my family in a birthing experience. it changed my life, my relationships with everyone...Jordan, Gracie, my family, friends, and mostly my father....my heavenly one, that is. for more info on those births i am going to be posting that as a separate blog. so go look for them.